September WOTM competition week 1

One week in and we have three writers, Daneade, Dick Everyman and Wrenfoe vying for the lead position, with YB close on their heels.  Just a little further behind we have Jonny Shlep and Chrisf, with Titus bringing in a creditable four points.  Truly anybody's game so far this month.
Adrian Bamforth

Duke and Duchess of Cambridge threaten to launch new offensive monarch

Chipchase

Who or What exactly is Jacob Rees-Mogg?

Chrisf

Don’t Sweat the Big Stuff’ – and its all big stuff. By David Davis MP

Daneade

Elderly German ‘Queen’ faces deportation from UK

 Wayne Rooney Building £2 Million Pound ‘Doghouse’ Extension

Wayne Rooney to retire from drinking

Dick Everyman

Alan Titchmarsh chosen to build Mexican border wall prototype

USA abandons the tired and the poor huddled masses for wealthy old white men

Jonny Shlep

America’s Vagrant Population Cheered by Latest Economic Growth Figures

McGregor challenges Dalai Lama to megabucks ‘pray-off’

NickB

Back teeth fed up with being fed up to.

Oxbridge

Schrödinger’s cat simultaneously dead and alive because fuck you, that’s why

Titus

Particle physicists believe airline luggage provides evidence of Superposition

World to be saved by repainting all cars green

Throngsman

Vowels to be reintroduced in Eastern Europe

Wrenfoe

Penicillin clears up Fox News

 Rees-Mogg opposed to contraception but ‘will cum on your tits’

Theresa May reboots with ‘training montage’

YaBasta

Duchess of Cambridge asks ‘Can I stop now?’

McDonald’s workers complain about their jobs, told ‘Well, duh’

Noch Verschraubt, Pet

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